Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
