Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
