When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
