i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
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I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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