When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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