Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
