Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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