To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
