her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
