i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
