i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm like, not good at living.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
