Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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