I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
