So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
