Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How does one acquire holy water?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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