Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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