can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
