Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
