You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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