never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
