only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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