Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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