just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
