i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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