i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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