i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
