$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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