I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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