i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
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It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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