Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
