I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
