Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
