I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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