So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Randomize
