if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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