the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
