FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
