Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just had sex on a roof
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
