bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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