That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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