70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
