Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
