I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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