I showed him my bush... on skype.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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