I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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