My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
