she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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