I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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