i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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