Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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