I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
