I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize