I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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