just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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