I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
