If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
