when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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