covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
