saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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