how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
