And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
