so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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