I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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