My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
