He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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